Hello 2010.

I'm not going to do much of a yearly wrap-up, but I'm stealing a meme from Kim since I think it will make a nice summary. Over the next couple weeks, I'm going to attempt to find some time to reorganize things over here a bit as well.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

1. Went to Rhinebeck
2. Moved to Pennsylvania
3. Learned a whole bunch of new science stuff.

2. Did you keep your 2009 resolutions, and will you make more this year?
These were my resolutions:

1. Run a half marathon. - No.
2. Eat out less and cook more. - Sort of, as I cooked more.
3. Read more books. - Yes!
4. Find a new job. - Yes!
5. Travel to a new city. - Yes!
6. Go camping. - No.
7. Learn a new skill. - I learned new science techniques, which I think counts.
8. Write a paper. - Sadly, no.
9. Knit more than I did in 2008. - Nope.
10. Go shelling on the beach.- Yes!

So that makes for about 50% success rate. Not terrible.

This year's resolutions/goals are similar:

1. Run a half marathon.
2. Cook.
3. Read books.
4. Go camping/hiking.
5. Write 2 papers and a book chapter.
6. Knit.
7. Go shelling on the beach.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not close friends, but I know some people who had babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, last year no.

5. What countries did you visit?
No travel outside the US for me.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Publications. My immediate family in one state.

7. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finding a new, and good, job.

8. What was your biggest failure?
Giving too much notice on my previous job.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing physical. ;)

10. What was the best thing you bought?
iPod Touch.

11. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.

12. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier, slightly thinner, better off in many ways.

13. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Sleep. I don't do that enough. Running. Relaxing and enjoying myself.

14. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying, stressing out, and having insomnia.

15. What was the best new book you read?
Nothing's really standing out - I enjoyed several things I read, but nothing was that memorable.

16. What was your favorite new TV show of the year?
Glee, I guess.

17. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Being unhappy isn't always your fault. Sometimes walking away can be the best solution.

And with that, let's not speak of 2009 any more. Today's my last day with the family, and I think I have convinced the larger and smaller boy that a trip to the beach might be nice. A run is in my plans for the afternoon (it's not running that hurts, it's not consistently running that hurts.) I have some knitting to do - I cast on for a pair of Monkeys in some Sanguine Gryphon yarn which I haven't been able to match a pattern to well, and I have another pair of husband socks on the needles. I also want to pack up a box of stuff to ship back to my apartment, as I want to make sure I'm really traveling light for my return. There are a few photos on my camera to post when I return, but for now, I'm going to enjoy the family time I have left.

Too short.

And just like that, my vacation is over. I'm tired, and I should go to bed, but I don't really want it to end yet. I don't really like here so much, but my husband and son are still here, and it's strange having a life there without them. I've booked my tickets for Christmas though - I'm taking a long break, over a week, and that will be good.

Hopefully next time, I won't have food poisoning. That put a bit of a damper on the trip for me, and I'll spare you the details, only to say that Thanksgiving dinner was much better going down than when it made its return. For posterity, however, I will say that a) I brined the turkey using Alton Brown's guidelines, and it was much better than usual that way. I will do that again. b) I tried to make pie crust, and I still don't have the knack. I used a 50/50 shortening/butter mix, and it was pretty meh. c) Cranberry sauce is excellent if you add in a pint of blueberries, cinnamon, nutmeg, and tangerine zest. d) I finally made the gravy well, but my stuffing was too crumbly. And yes, I'm really sad that I didn't eat many leftovers this year. Next year the big change will be to make a pecan pie and a pumpkin cheesecake. I'm neutral to negative when it comes to pie, and the husband isn't a big pumpkin fan. (I could, however, throw all caution and tradition to the wind and attempt this next year, but the primary limiting factor is that I don't have a stand mixer.)

Knitting news is very very boring, and I don't have my camera cable with me. I brought my Verona shawl, , which makes a lovely, wearable final product, but is a lot of uh, sure, let's say meditative knitting. I will wear this scarf quite a lot, but I'm less entranced with the knitting than some of the other folks who have been knitting it. It's soft and warm and almost weightless, and I like the color and the irregular qualities of the yarn. Frankly, it's almost long enough for me, but I wouldn't mind being able to wrap it around my neck one more time, so I suppose I'll just keep going for a while.

Finally, I'm leaving you with a video of a song that I'm very fond of. I just missed a concert I really wanted to see, but I was able to watch Mike Doughty in a live streaming of his NY concert tonight. He closed out the set with this song, "Your Misfortune," which is the last song on an album that I have listened to over and over again. This is from a show in Japan, not the one I watched tonight, but I think it's pretty, and some of you might like it as well.



Photos when I return and find my camera cable.

Thursday bullets

• I went to Rhinebeck and I had a really good time and I need to blog about it and download photos from my camera. I also need to take photos of some yarn that I bought there and track some other acquisitions I've made since I moved here.
• There are 2 completed knitting projects I still haven't blogged. Not only that, I've worn both of them. Not only that, but I still haven't woven in the ends on one of them, and they're really obvious. Also, they aren't socks.
  
• I have a new bedroom window so every post from now on out shouldn't be about how cold I am. (To be fair, it was very chilly with the breeze and not turning the heat on.)
• This weekend I'm hoping to do some food shopping and knitting in addition to going in to work. I'm planning on cooking soup and starting up breadmaking again next week. If I'm really motivated, I might watch a movie or read a book.
  
• I'm very tired this week. After coming home from Rhinebeck on Saturday night, I went to bed. Sunday I went grocery shopping, went out to lunch with a friend, went to work, and then cooked soup. Work is very busy right now. (This is good. Really.) On top of that, I'm fighting a cold, and if you know where I live (and that my apartment is located above a bar), you will also understand my stating that it's been a bit loud in the evenings. Particularly so last night.
• I want to knit some mitts and some gloves and some mittens and a sweater and some socks and I don't want to start anything new until I have finished some of the old things that are taking up space in my living room. I'm not very excited about working on most of them. The item I most want to knit is stalled due to a backorder of additional yarn. Hopefully it will arrive soon.
  
• I'm going to try to knit now, maybe with some tea and honey for my sore throat, and possibly with some crappy tv streamed over my computer. So much for my attempts at daily blogging.
  

I need pictures.

Yes, I know. Yet another photo-less post. In my defense, when I got up at 7 this morning, it was grey and rainy. When I walked home from work, via the grocery store, it was cold and grey and rainy. Photos? Hah. I'm concentrating on staying warm.

There's a significant draft in my living room. Specifically, one of the new windows put in the apartment before I moved in is not sealed well, and it leaks when it rains. In the bedroom, there's still a missing window pane. In a word, I'm cold. I'm thinking about buying some caulk to fix the living-room window. As I said, I'm cold, and I'm responsible for the heating bill come winter. It's only fall now. At the same time, 42 and rainy with no heat doesn't feel very warm.

I have a need to knit something, immediately, but I have no idea what. I am in desperate need of mittens. I also could use a warm sweater or three. Instead, I have a shawl, socks, and a scarf on the needles. I'm feeling a need to finish things up, too. I am also afraid that I have lost my sock mojo. I have some great yarn, but I'm just not getting into it. (I just looked down at myself and realized I am a handknit nightmare - over a Land's End sweater and yoga pants, I am wearing my purplish chevron scarf from Last Minute Knitted Gifts, my red and orange Clapotis wrapped around my waist, and blue striped socks. Perhaps there is a reason I am avoiding cameras?)

This weekend I am going up to Rhinebeck. I'm excited, partly because I am meeting 2 blogging friends who I feel like I almost "know" from years of chatting back and forth, and also because it sounds like this festival is a sight to behold. I'm not planning on buying much - but tomorrow may be a time to revisit the Ravelry queue and think about what I might want or need.

Other than a heated mattress pad, that is. I'm thinking of getting one of those on Sunday. Plus a second pad to put over the memory foam cushion that makes up a significant portion of my mattress, as I'm sleeping on a futon.

Brrr...

I'm back north, after a weekend away. It's cold up here! Tonight it's in the low 50's, which would probably feel less cold if it hadn't been in the 80's and 90's for me this weekend. This upcoming weekend? I may be even colder, but let's see how that develops... I may have some exciting (at least for me) news later this week.

Tonight was knitting, and it was good. I've decided that my mystery project (which isn't done yet) needs a second skein of yarn. The big reveal? It's a Shetland Triangle out of Malabrigo Sock. I'm going to buy the second skein and keep going. It's a great pattern, and I love knitting it. But I am also sick of all the dinky little shawls I have been knitting lately, so this one will be bigger, and deserves to be so.

Photos soon - I promise. I need light, and right now I need to find someplace warm to go hide. There's a wicked draft that I'm sitting in, and the window to my apartment isn't fixed yet. I'm cold! I'm even contemplating fingerless gloves to make my joints stop aching, which is just sad commentary.

Late, and I need sleep.

I missed a day, but not for lack of trying.

Yesterday was just kind of busy, what with the dissertation defense, experiment, meeting, and flying out of town. Got back to the southern state around 10 something at night, took a taxi home and tried to hold up my end of a conversation about football, which is sort of the equivalent of asking me to speak fluent Chinese.

Have spent most of today attached to my son, or rather with him sitting on me or otherwise touching me. It's nice to be missed, and it's wonderful to see him, but IT'S HOT HERE, and disgustingly humid. Plus, there are mosquitos. And I'm really not used to it anymore, especially since I have been experiencing pleasant fall-like weather up north. It's good to be back, however, as I missed my family, and my washing machine. I find myself oddly overwhelmed by the size of my house, and it's not big. I guess I've adapted to the city more than I thought, as it was also odd to be driving and to not hear sirens last night when I went to bed. It's strange being here, because I don't live here anymore, and it's decidedly not home. Of course, it's also clear that we're in transition, because my husband isn't really living here either, and my apartment is for the most part, undecorated.

I am not sure what our plans are for the rest of the weekend. Right now, husband is out picking up burgers and fries for dinner. I am still protein-starved, and I'm fitting into my "skinny" jeans again, despite my scale saying that I have not lost an ounce since I moved, so I feel no guilt. Even after the Krispy Kreme donuts and the cookie earlier today. Hah. We're possibly going to go play mini-golf on Saturday, if the weather holds, and I think there's potentially interest in seeing Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. I don't really care what we do, as I'm happy to be with them. Tonight is likely to be movies/TiVO and hanging out with some knitting.

On the way out of my apartment, I realized that I left my camera, so photos will not be happening this weekend. There's also been no knitting yet today, and I suspect that time will be somewhat limited. I did finish another mystery, however. One thing I love about travel is that I essentially have a lot of uninterrupted time to read. I just finished reading Shot Girl, which was a light, but fun read. If you enjoy mass-market mysteries, this one is better than many I've read lately. Food's here, so I'm off.

What I do, and a turtle.

As I kind of expected, things went from a relaxed and easy pace to all kinds of insanity at work today. It's a short week for me, as I'm taking off to see the hub and kid this weekend, and I'm vacating work a day early. Of course, now that I have plans for that, all the supplies I had ordered are now trickling in, and there's work (a lot of it) to be done on the 3 experiments I'm working on.

I was going to head over to knitting tonight, but I was starving (forgot to eat) and I'm tired. So I picked up a sandwich on the way home and watched Heroes and House instead.

The front half of the week is typically brutal. I have a regularly scheduled experiment on Monday, and I'm usually busy with that all day and through most of Tuesday. It's not difficult work, but it requires fairly intense attention during the active times, and for a good chunk of time, it's a matter of constant, careful motion. All the steps are time-sensitive, and there's a lot of moving from one place to another. This week I got a reprieve (sort of). I was able to pause my experiment at a point where I don't usually stop, and I'll take it up again next week. Of course, now I have to look forward to working with some seriously scary reagents, and I'm more than a little nervous about it. (Next week, I get to work with trifluoroacetic acid, and yes, I will be working in the fume hood for a change. Acetic acid is no big deal, neither is hydrochloric, but this stuff intimidates me a bit. Okay, a lot.) Plus, I really want everything to work, so I have to be very very careful how I do things next week. Should be interesting - I need clean, non-contaminated samples, but maybe, just maybe, I'll have some good results by the end of the month.

Anyhow, I got to do something very cool today, and I played with lasers. No kidding. I'm learning how to use a million dollar piece of equipment, which oddly seems less intimidating than it used to. (We really have excellent toys here.) There's more training tomorrow, plus a session on how to use a much less interesting piece of equipment in the lab (it doesn't have a laser.) I spent the afternoon staring in frustration at my computer, finally figuring out that the answer to a problem I was having was much simpler than I thought, but does mean that I lost some time and have to repeat something I did last week. Then I did a little bit of prep work for the third project that I'm doing preliminary work on, which I'm super excited about. I have a laundry list of small things to do waiting for me in the morning, and with any luck, I should have another shipment of supplies arriving, because I'm waiting for a custom order to come in.

Sometimes I gripe about my job - it's busy, it's hard, and the personalities around me can, at times, be a little different. At the same time, I love the variety of things I get to do. Most of the time, I'm not sitting at a desk; instead, I'm doing and making things. I am however, tired. Tomorrow will come soon, and it will be busy. Time to knit another row or two, and then to collapse and hopefully sleep. I'm hoping for a quiet night. I'm also grateful for an iPod app that generates white noise. There's little else that knocks me out so quickly.

Day 3.

It's Saturday night, my apartment is clean, and mostly tidy. I have some laundry in the machines downstairs, and the rest of the evening is mine to spend relaxing. I did very little today - I slept in, talked a little on the phone, napped, knit, and watched silly tv shows. It's been very nice. I'm a little blue today. Weekends are harder than the weekdays, and I have a tendency to become overly tired. It affects my mood a lot, and it's easy to slide into a negative mood. Tidying up helped, sort of symbolically moving on and getting ready for the week. A fresh start, I suppose.

Things are, for the most part, good. I like my job, and I'm learning a lot. I still feel behind, and under pressure, but that's going to be true regardless of what I'm doing. I haven't taken the easiest path, but there's still hope that this will all work out. I've met a really neat group of people to knit with, and if I were in less of a hermit mode, I could probably go out and socialize more with them too. I'm trying to do things for myself.

I just started knitting a new project - a Shetland Triangle Shawl. I just finished 2 triangular shawls (no, I didn't take photos yet) and I'm not sure why I really wanted to knit this, but the yarn and the pattern were calling to me. I actually have a few things clamoring at me. The other is a pair of Fiddlehead Mittens, which I'm likely to start tomorrow, and there's a sweater that has tried to materialize on my needles. So far, the sweater hasn't taken, so there's a possibility I can hold off on that until I finish something up. It's fall. I think this is the equivalent of spring fever, and I'm feeling a strong urge to swathe myself in handknits. I know it makes for boring blogging, as I keep starting things and having little followthrough. I knit for myself though - what I want, when I want, with no pressure. It's one of the few things in my life that is like that. Maybe the only thing.

Part of trying this daily blogging is to determine if the blog is something I'm going to continue or not - I know why I knit, but I'm not sure why I'm blogging. I have met some really neat people, friends even, online. However, I'm finding it much harder to connect these days. I like Ravelry, but I don't do so well on message boards. I don't leave comments often, and I don't think I have many readers left. I'm okay with this, but I wonder if it means that I'm done with blogging? On the other hand, I don't email much either, and it is a way of keeping in contact with the friends I have who do read this.

Sorry for the moodiness tonight. Weekends are hard, and I miss my family. Tomorrow is a work day, but hopefully the light will be better and I'll get some shots of knitting.

N=4

Monday already? 4 days left to finish packing, run the errands, and head for the hills. If I buckle down today, I can probably get the bulk of it finished.

I'm still hanging on to this as my excuse for being a less than motivated blogger. That, plus not too much knitting going on.

This is my latest - ages and ages ago, I started the Lizard Ridge Afghan from Knitty. Still think it's a cool pattern. Still love the color effect. Think it's a beautiful thing. Will never, ever, ever attempt to knit it again.





I completed about 6 squares of the blanket before giving up. Then I used the rest of the yarn into a garter stitch blanket. I kept 4 of the squares from the original project, and blatantly copied an idea I saw on Ravelry. I seamed the 4 squares together, then started seaming them together at the corners. My seams are wonky, but it's a pillow, and doesn't show that much. (I used mattress stitch, more or less.) When I was almost done, I folded some batting into a shape close to the pillow, stuffed it inside, and them jammed polyfill into the pillow until it was roughly pillow shaped. I finished seaming, then attached 2 buttons to the front and back of the pillow to give it a more interesting shape and to hide the join at the center front. It worked pretty well, although evidently I kept my first square attempt at LR, which has some interesting interpretations of short rows. It's not really obvious though, and the colors hide a lot of sins.

I am actually very fond of the pillow, but I don't have the patience for a project of the scale of the afghan. I strongly prefer the afghan in lots of shades of Kureyon.

Back to packing - the end is in sight. I can't tell if I'm taking hardly anything, or way too much crap. Something inbetween, probably.

I'm all about the bug photos.

Photo from a short family walk on the 3rd of July, off at a sadly underused park where there are endangered red wolves. I don't have any good shots of the wolves. They're really shy and solitary, and the fenced-in area had a screen as well as glass, which makes photographs challenging. There were an amazing number of butterflies and dragonflies out.

Today we went for a family stroll in the county park. If I had been there, I would have photographed the banana spiders. I love these guys - huge spiders, with amazing webs. (I took a photo of one that lived outside my living room window when I first moved in.)


But I think most of you are more interested in fiber than in my shots of bugs, so here's some screaming orange roving from Julie. (Although I could take a snap of the palmetto bug crawling near the ceiling. Yuk.)

I'm pretty excited about this fiber, but I want to get some more practice spindling before I mess with this. I think I also want a lighter spindle for sock yarn. I've been eyeing this. (No, Julie, a wheel is not in my immediate future.)

It was great not going to work today. The packing thing was decidedly less fun, but I assume I'll get there eventually. Up soon are some photos of finished things. I'm still knitting, but the move is definitely cramping my style a little bit.

Time for changes.

I'm feeling like a lazy blogger, but I want to get back to blogging. Hence, a collection of random bullets.

• It's Friday, and since my ersatz boss is a) on vacation for the next 2 weeks and b) as of 2 weeks from now no longer my boss, I'm taking some extra time this morning. I have almost nothing to do for the last period of time. Mostly cleaning up, documenting things, and transferring a little bit more of what I know. In general - as little as I can possibly get away with.
• I'm not going to say anything more than I'm glad that it's over.
  
• I have a whole weekend ahead of me, and a little less than a month before I start my new adventure. I probably need to get going on the packing.
• One of my biggest tasks has been checking to see that I have PDF files of all the research articles I own and recycling the paper copies. I have 1 file drawer left to go through, but I have reduced my paper weight by at least 1/3 already.
  
• Summer of Socks '09 has started, but I haven't knit any socks recently. I completed another garter stitch square for my ever-growing afghan. I'd like to finish 3 more, then it will "just" need to be put together.
• On my list of things I would like to accomplish before I leave town, I have a sweater that needs seaming, and my tangled-yoke cardigan could easily be finished in a week.
• I'm planning on giving away some of my yarn, either to Goodwill or to the school district for using in art classes. I have some single balls of stuff that I will never knit, don't like, and don't want. And no, it's not stuff I'm going to gift away on the blog - I'm terrible about going to the post office, and trust me, you don't want this either.
• I don't really feel like going to work today, despite knowing it will be much much less stress than usual.
• Thanks to the tutorial on Yarn Harlot's blog, I realized I have been picking up stitches incorrectly in garter stitch. Makes much more sense her way, but I'm completing my blocks the way I've been knitting them anyhow.
  
• I'm running out of things to say, but I've got some ideas for other posts (and photos) that I'll try to get to this weekend.
  

Still here.

Things picked up for a while, and now are slowing down a little bit, at least temporarily. I've found an apartment to rent, my application has been accepted, and a small deposit to hold the apartment is winging its way to its destination as I write.

The usual stresses and difficulties haven't changed, but this week should be a little easier as a) it's shorter, and b) my biggest source of stress and difficulty is out this week. This leaves me more able to go about things according to my own schedule, which helps a great deal.

I seem to be off to a slow start this morning - we got back in town from a mini-vacation with the inlaws yesterday afternoon. I started to get the house picked up from some work we had done - wallpaper removal, popcorn ceiling removal, painting - messy stuff that has left a residue of dust everywhere. I'm trying to look at it as an opportunity to get rid of some of the clutter as I put rooms back together. Yesterday, I poked around in the bookshelves, and pulled some books out to give away, and moved unread books that had gotten lost in the shuffle to more visible locations. Now it's easier to shop the bookcases again, find just the right reading material.

I'll post some fun travel photos tomorrow, and update the knitting news. I'm in sock mode, which means about 3 being worked simultaneously, but hopefully at least one of those will be finished up shortly. Trying to resist the call of the new and finish up some of the lingering projects. Small and portable is winning right now, thanks to the current decluttering efforts.

Doo doo doo....

Looking out my front window.

Yesterday I could not figure out where to drop my son off for daycare, which was held at a school we don't normally go to. It was his first day of spring break, and since my boss was away, I decided I'd take the day off and spend it with him. We ran some errands, played outside, and I then started to spend some time on my least favorite yard chore. Raking. This represents a tiny fraction of what needs to come up off my yard - and this is from an area that has already been raked once this season. Ugh. I have a lot more work to do.


I'm hoping to get the piles picked up by the end of this week, but the job never seems to end. My legs are really sore from picking up the piles, but I need the exercise anyhow.

At least you can see pretty flowers out the back window.


So the boys are off for their vacation, and I've got the house to myself. Which means I have been doing my best to be anywhere but home. It's weirdly quiet. I'm going to settle down for the rest of the evening with a movie, some popcorn, some knitting, and some tea. I'm hoping to get close to finishing a sock - I'm not sure how long it should be, and the husband isn't around to try it on, but I know it needs a few more inches of foot regardless.

Tomorrow, in to work to collect my computer and my phone charger. I've picked up 2 new knitting books recently, which will make good blog fodder for tomorrow, I think.

Day 2

I swear to you I had fewer of those 2 days ago. It's been a week. Thankfully, tomorrow is Friday, and the boss is out, which means I can relax and have a better day.

Julie freaked me out about carpet bugs, which prompted me to pull out my roving and spin a little bit. I am not very good at making yarn with my spindle, which isn't much of a surprise. I don't play with it very often, and honestly, I don't really have time to take up spinning, even though I do find working with the spindle to be really relaxing. I think most of my yarn is safely stored in plastic bags inside plastic tubs, but there's one area in my house that I'm a little nervous about. I think I'll dig into that area this weekend, but it's hiding a lot of things I don't really want to deal with.

It rained all day and wasn't a good day for photos. Hopefully tomorrow the pollen will have been washed away a bit and it will be slightly drier. Roads were flooded for my morning commute - high tide + rain + living at sea level = hazardous conditions. If it's a little better, I'll snap a shot of the wrap I've been knitting away on. Let's face it - it's a novelty scarf, but it's silk and it feels fantastic, and I'm feeling totally unashamed of it.

This cheesy 80's moment

Brought to you courtesy of a lousy day.
Humor me. I gave notice today (3 months) and it didn't go so well. But, hey - I made it this far. I can make it another few months, right?

I'm challenging myself to blog every day this month. If nothing else, it may help me get out the camera more.

Whims.

I want to cast on for this hat right now.
(Ravelry link, because the 5 of you who read this are on there anyhow.)

Problems with this idea:
1. I counted, and I already have 12 things in progress. Not kidding. I really feel like I should finish some things up before I get drawn in to the allure of the New! and Shiny!
2. I'm at work, and even if my yarn were here, it would not be looked upon positively for me to be knitting at work.

I broke my camera, so photos may be a little sporadic, which goes nicely with the sporadic posts. It's not fatal damage to the camera, as the issue is just that the batteries fall out of the camera now unless I tape the compartment shut. I need better tape.

I am still waiting. I will emerge from my cave once I hear something, but until then, I'm still pretty jittery. Working on that patience thing.

Getting a few things off my chest

Sorry - have to do this so I can keep my mouth shut in real life.

To my new office mate: Hi. Glad you've joined the lab. Well, not really, because you represent a financial commitment that my boss isn't willing to make to me. In any case, thanks for taking an interest in my life. However, I'm able to manage my time without your input, so feel free to stop asking me what I'm working on, how it's going, why I'm not going to conferences/meetings/poster presentations, where I am, where I'm going, where I've been and other questions of that ilk. If you don't see me at my desk, I'm probably in the lab, darkroom, another lab, or the other lab. Oh - and don't worry about the number of hours I'm here - trust me, it's enough, and it's not your business. Thanks! P.S. I don't really want to talk to you about jewelery, face-lifts, my weight, your weight, or how The Biggest Loser is your favorite show because you like "seeing the fat people run around." I don't really think I have much in common with you.

To the clueless grad students: I'm done helping you. You're rude, obnoxious, disrespectful and some of you are just jerks. Just because I'm female doesn't mean that I don't know what I'm talking about, and even if you don't respect the fact that I got my degree and you're still earning yours, I have more years of experience than you do, and you should realize that. You mistake arrogance for confidence, and I'm not in the mood to argue with you, nor do I have the time to do so. P.S. You're wrong, by the way, but you can figure that out yourself.

To the new postdoc I like: No, it's always like this. It's always a frat-boy atmosphere, and liking what you're working on isn't enough to get you through this. It's 6 months in, and you're unhappy. They're never going to listen to you, they think they know everything, and they will always be overconfident and dismissive.

To my potential new employer: Please hire me. Please please please. I love your lab, I liked your people, and I want to go away and do something different now. You seemed really nice and encouraging, and I think you liked me, and I'm really really desperately hoping to come work with you. I know you said you'd get back to me next week, but please make it early in the week because I'm a nervous wreck.

Once more, into the breach.

Really Random Friday

I've officially had an extremely odd week, and I'm not quite sure what to make of it. If you're one of the few people crazy enough to have stuck around over the past couple years (and if you have, you know who you are), you've seen me finish grad school, work for a while, find a postdoc, and now face a serious career crisis. The current question - should I stay or should I go? On one hand, the economy stinks, and being dependent on government funding isn't a great plan right now. On the other hand, I love, really love, what I do, when I'm interested in it. This week, I had decided it was time to go. As in, I decided that Wednesday, and proceeded to enthusiastically start looking for other career options, and found a few things that really appealed to me, and was starting to make Big Plans.

Then I got my dream second postdoc interview opportunity. The one that fell into my lap, that seriously, there's no way he can want me to work in his lab. Amazing stuff. Incredible, fascinating, really ultra-cool and exciting science with someone who quite honestly may be up for a Nobel prize someday. Add to that a location that I would probably prefer to my current digs, and a surprisingly fewer hurdles for my husband to find a job. Plus - as a final bonus - a great knitting community and a lot, and I mean a lot, of yarn stores around and opportunities to wear knitwear. Plus, proximity to MDSW. Seriously - this is not a bad thing. Oh, and I have friends in the area, and I also kind-of sort-of know 2 knitters in the greater semi-near area.

But this means I have to really think about what I want to do, and I don't know. It's a possibility (interviews usually lead to good things at this level, almost always, but it's not a given) that has suddenly hit me at exactly the point where I was ready to move on, and had really decided I was okay with that. I don't know what I should try to be when I grow up.

So, instead of thinking so much, I'm going to try to finish a pair of socks this weekend, check out a sale on silk yarn at my LYS, and maybe even finally make it to the farmer's market. Oh, and run. Because I haven't gone in 2 weeks, and I might be going crazy.

Go look at this. It's pretty.

Good.

Friday morning - that's a relief.

Not that much exciting going on here. I've come to the conclusion that being "an adult" means spending an awful lot of time doing laundry. Other chores too, but the laundry just keeps coming around here.

This week was a short one for me. I picked up a cold that's been making the rounds here - the sick- enough-to-feel-totally-lousy-but-not-so-sick-that-it's-easy-to-justify-staying-home variety. I spent about 2 days in bed doing almost nothing, and completely fell behind on chores. Work has been a series of frustrations, days of seeing all my plans going out the window. So I'm glad it's Friday, and there's an end to this week. I'll be back in the lab on Saturday, but only for about half the day, and hopefully it will be quiet and I'll manage to have some time to myself. I may even bring a super-simple sock with me to work on while I read articles and wait during some long incubation steps.



I'm back to knitting the Trellis scarf. I started this one back in 2007, looks like August based on the upload date. I'm almost at this point in the pattern again, so I'm recycling photos. It looks the same. I got a bit farther than this the last time, then managed to drop some critical stitches (in silk) and watched far too much of the scarf unravel. Interestingly, it's a much simpler pattern for me this go around. It's still a bit too complex for working on while watching a movie or a TV show that I'm very engaged in, and I know better than to pick it up too late at night. However, it is satisfying a craving for lace work.

According to Ravelry, I have at least 7 things that I'm currently working on. I think that number is off, but I know I have 3 socks, 1 vest, 2 sweaters, and 2 lace scarves on needles. This is a bit much, so I'm not planning on starting anything new for a while. (HAH!) I say this just as I'm about to get some yarn in, which I don't really need, but really wanted. I'm still feeling a little leery about the sweaters, but at the moment I'm enjoying what I'm working on. That's the important part, right?

Time for work. I've got a shadow today, which means no iPod, and having to work more slowly than usual.

The deeply personal post

This morning, I told my husband that I thought I might be depressed. He agreed that I certainly was. It's probably not a big surprise to anyone who knows me, and it's probably not unexpected right now.

I was with family at Thanksgiving. This is only the second time I've seen my mom and my sister since my father died. The other time was to put his ashes to rest. It was the first time being back at my mom's house. I was only there for a day and a half, at most, but long enough for my dad's absence to follow me back home. It was inescapable while in the house. Memories of his life, memories of his death. It was intensely painful being there, and yet, I have to fight a strong urge to go back there and stay with my mom.

Yesterday, I had a stomach bug. I could probably have gone in to work by noon, but I had no desire to do so, and I stayed home, sat on the couch, watched CSI:NY and knit. It's 8:00 now, and I should be packing up my belongings and heading in, but I don't really want to. Dragging myself out the door is going to take a great deal of effort, and frankly, my interest is low. Really not a great time for a low point in my career. The economy is bad, and my field is taking a hit, like many other people out there. I keep contemplating whether or not I want to continue to go on. Part of me does - at times, I love what I do. But it's a job that demands a lot of time and effort, and at the end of the day, the work follows you home. Nights, weekends - it doesn't matter. I still should be working, because someone else is. That doesn't leave a whole lot of time to live a balanced life. I like to read. I like to knit, and cook, and run, and play with my son, and even interact with my husband. It's hard to cram all that in to the few hours I have in the evenings and when I'm not at work on the weekends. It would be nice to be able to enjoy it, without the guilt.

So I'm contemplating a big career change. For those reasons, and for the fact that well, things aren't looking so good for me. I've performed poorly, and there's not a whole lot of recovery from that. I could move, find another postdoc position, hope for the best, or intentionally go somewhere I might actually belong (not the south), and find a job, find fulfillment in other areas of my life. Maybe doing what you love for work isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Of course, now isn't the best time to be making big decisions, so I'm trying not to. At the same time, the recession and the fact that my job isn't going well isn't helping. I know I should try to look on the bright side. I have a job for almost a year still. I could still see things turn around, and I could walk out with more options. The perfect next job might appear. I might start to feel better soon.

I guess all of this is in part my explanation for why I'm not posting much. That, and a self-indulgent need to put it out there. Going back to running is probably a good thing, and might help my mood. I don't want to be a whiny, complaining blogger, but I'm far from my happiest right now. Time to do battle, put the armor on, head to work, and pretend to be okay.