Monday, July 7, 2008

What do you do.

Do you blog the bad stuff? The days when you think, ok, now we've hit bottom, it's not going to get any worse, and yet it does? What do you do? What can you say? I know my blog is getting boring. That photos are happening less frequently, that I'm spending even more time saying nothing.

Right now I'm knitting. I'm knitting because I quit smoking and will never do that again. I'm knitting because I'm not hungry and the thought of eating makes me sick. I'm knitting because it's too late to go for a run and I can't run long enough or far enough or fast enough to make things feel better, to escape what's going on. I'm knitting because work isn't solace anymore, because I can't pay enough attention to a book, because I don't want to dump this on another person. I can't escape into drugs or alcohol, and it's just getting to be too much.

I don't want to parent my parents. I don't want anyone to be sick. I'm tired. I can't sleep, and things just continue to get worse. I don't want to be a grownup. I want a vacation.